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Ode To Eau de Dude Sitting Next To Me On This Airplane

June 24th, 2013

Wrote this on the plane this morning
Like a 21st-century Genghis,
Dominate,
Slaying any other smells that dare approach the nose.
The host, inured to the onslaught by years of abuse, probably.
What happens when he finishes the current bottle, this present vessel?
Does Amazon restock his shelf? Did his parents teach him the benefit of buying as much of your favorite cologne as you can afford? I can see pantry shelves in a cheap Spokane apartment, lined with little black bottles of this oppressive odor, each bottle furiously waiting for its release, each ounce of liquid destruction flush with anticipation of nostrils left to conquer.

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Joe
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My experience getting audited by the IRS, and my lessons learned

November 28th, 2012

I think my caseworker from the IRS was confused when I told her I’d been thinking about her, but the truth was, I had. She called this afternoon with what were the details in what would be the final round of 20 months of negotiations concerning my 2009 tax returns.

We started with the IRS claiming I owed them $5,000, and we ended at $1,500. Once they got a hold of my bank statements they really went to town, and most of that $1,500 is refunds of downpayments I paid on property, that I had no paperwork for.

This advice goes to everyone who has non-W2 income coming in, which is primarily freelance income but could also include payments from Google AdSense, AirBNB, or money your friends paid you back: If you don’t keep a separate account for that income and you get audited, be prepared to get boarded. You’ll have to explain everything.

The weirder things that happened during this process:

  1. The first IRS lady was absolutely certain that the first-time homebuyer credit I had gotten had expired, and couldn’t be claimed. I emailed her a couple news articles to change her mind.
  2. The IRS requiring a transcript from my college, which I graduated from in ’99, to prove my student-loan interest deduction was reasonable.

The mistakes I made:

  1. At the end of the process (i.e. today), if I had declined the IRS’ final offer, we would have met in a courtroom next month. I took the first number at face value without negotiation. Never take the first number.

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Freelance, Joe
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A skype chat I had with a coworker today

October 2nd, 2012

It’s one of the more favorite of the skype chats I’ve had at work. The “Thunderdome” referenced is the Denver Post’s parent corporation newsroom — many of them are here in Denver for tomorrow’s Presidential Debate.

me: In other, real news, Thunderdome people are here in the newsroom
me: Met Ryan B., National Politics editor, today.
me: He’s 50 feet tall and made out of fire.
me: Took all of us on a tour of the third astral plane.
Josh K: oh that is cool
Josh K: the editors that have supernatural powers are pretty cool
me: agreed. hadn’t been to the third plane before
me: was way different than the second and fifth.
me: more chimeras.

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Joe, Work
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dig dig dig dig dig

May 5th, 2011


I knew a cat who would do that. It was the most adorable thing ever. What were they trying to do? Where did they think that would get them? Why the sink?

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Animals
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Dear Oneida,

April 1st, 2011

You are my favorite live band. I saw you play twice in Winston-Salem North Carolina, and those shows were unforgettable. Then I moved to Denver, where I’ve lived for almost five years. I haven’t seen you play in five years. Will you come to Denver?

Sincerely,
Joe

Dear non-Oneida people reading this letter: Please click this link and go to the Oneida website. If enough people click this link the Oneida website people will notice it, tell the band about it, and then the band will read the letter and then consider including Denver in their next tour. Yes, it will be so.

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Joe, Rock
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Oh great: You can even get spam on your Google Voice number

August 12th, 2010
Google Voice spam

Google Voice spam

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Internet, Joe
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On online dating

July 8th, 2010

…online dating sites assume that people are easy to describe on searchable attributes. They think that we’re like digital cameras, that you can describe somebody by their height and weight and political affiliation and so on. But it turns out people are much more like wine. That when you taste the wine, you could describe it, but it’s not a very useful description. But you know if you like it or don’t. And it’s the complexity and the completeness of the experience that tells you if you like a person or not. And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative.

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Joe
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[world cup] Updated Classic

June 17th, 2010

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Joe
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On playing more chess

June 1st, 2010

So, I’ve been playing a lot more chess lately. Now that I’m playing more, I’m more comfortable taking risks, and I’m losing more, and I’m winning more too.

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Joe
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[animation] Infinikitty cat

May 20th, 2010

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Animals, Movies
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