Google Voice spam

…online dating sites assume that people are easy to describe on searchable attributes. They think that we’re like digital cameras, that you can describe somebody by their height and weight and political affiliation and so on. But it turns out people are much more like wine. That when you taste the wine, you could describe it, but it’s not a very useful description. But you know if you like it or don’t. And it’s the complexity and the completeness of the experience that tells you if you like a person or not. And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative.

Would you rather die in a volcano eruption, a tsunami, an earthquake, a flood, a hurricane or a tornado?

I didn’t want to sell it to the first person to email me … that’s boring. So I wrote this in the post: “If you want the ticket, send an email with a haiku about the Avett Brothers. Best haiku gets the ticket.”

Here are the haikus I got:

Hark! Honey on ears
sight, smell, touch, taste envious.
Avett Bros. good sound.

— Sean S.

Retarded are you
In the request that you have
For avett tickets

— Chris S.

Which begat:

Chris didn't mean it
He needs me to reconnect
Him to the beauty

— Kathleen M.

Avett Brothers sing,
soulful music together,
dancing righteously.

— Max B.

Sold yesterdays tickets by accident
Very sad
Makes me cry like the Avett Brothers
when all the pretty girls in their songs dump them

— Kathleen V.

the avetts are here
for truth and love they shall sing
they are fucking rad!

— Taylor R.

joe magically makes
a pretty girl from denver
so very happy

and

poor, starving, artist
can't afford pricey ticket
i'll buy you a drink...

and

ears full of music
ticket with my name on it
joe's my new best friend

— Jackie

And the winner:

bearded brothers play
by guitars grace, tasty lick
paint smile on my face

— Joshua W.